Thursday, January 26, 2023
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Hey Mom... I just... a lot has happened. I miss you, more than you'd ever know. I wish you could see me... and if you can, are you happy for me?
I'm in foster care now Mommy. My family loves me. I know you loved me too, but you're not around anymore. I miss being called beautiful every day, I miss riding down the stairs on a mattress with you and my brother. I just wish you were here Mom... I'm scared to hug my foster mom sometimes because I'm scared she's going to die too.
I'm saying it because I know you'd accept me for it. I'm trans, Mom. I'm a guy, and I'm pansexual. I'm also the leader of the local school's GSA (Gender Sexuality Alliance). It's a safe place, for everyone who doesn't feel loved and celebrated. It's getting really disorganized right now, but I'm gonna make it better. Just... thought you should know Mommy.
I have a girlfriend now too. I think I want to marry her. She helps me love myself, and she's here through every step of my process. I'm learning to love myself, and it's difficult sometimes, but I'm doing it. And I know i can't love someone if I don't love myself, so I'm working on it. I really think I'm actually loved. I had a panic attack, and she refused to let me apologize. She supported me and helped calm me down. You'd love her. You really would. She's so... Fantastic.
They used a really bad photo for your obituary Mommy... you're sleeping, so it looks like you're dead.... though you are smiling. I miss your smile.
I wish you were here so I could hug you, and I'd just start crying. I know I would. I was your brown eyed little angel. I miss holding your hand, and seeing you laugh. I really do Mom. Its so hard without you in my life anymore Mommy. I just hope I live every day proud of who I am. I'm proud of who I am right now. I hope it stays that way.
I miss you Mom... I wish you were here. It's been... god has it really been 13 years? I miss you Mommy. I do. I hope heaven is real so that you are in it.
